5 years, 3 children, 3 house moves, last parent gone, 2 weddings (same husband), 1 honeymoon, 1 new job and 1 new course. The last five years have been pretty full on.
I went to a wedding in August, the sun was shining, the children were at home with a babysitter. I sat on a picnic rug drinking prosecco surrounded by some of my very best friends smiling and laughing. The next day when I woke up I realised that it was the first day in a very long time that I had been so happy. Now, I am not saying that I hadn’t been happy before this but it was the first time in ages that I had no big worries.
For the last five years I have functioned on a serious amount of adrenaline. Each pregnancy brought sickness and exhaustion (and of course much joy), then the babies arrived and sleep deprivation made me deranged. At one point I developed a slight stutter, I was so tired my brain couldn’t keep up. A friend had a word with me about going out one day in tracksuit bottoms (not the cool type the bag lady type). The day after my last baby was born I was on the phone in the maternity ward discussing care for my Dad whilst breastfeeding the newborn. I was like a rabbit in headlights for a while managing the children and then the worry about my Dad, followed by the loss.
I went away for one of my best friends 40th recently. Day one we started drinking champagne on the plane at 10am. Why wouldn’t we, there were no kids with us? Day two and I started to slow down, I mean to the point where I was so relaxed I could have fallen asleep. I was chilled out and seriously happy. Day three and I knew that I had learnt the art of relaxation again.
The process is a fairly slow one, I am not going to yoga classes or meditating at night, there are days when of course I moan to friends about the three-year old having a tantrum, my husbands mood or whatever. I have started reading again and really enjoy the rest that it gives my brain. I have got the brain capacity to start thinking more about my friends and looking after me as an individual. I am retraining as a social media manager and I’m enjoying working. I am loving being me again and having the ability to relax.